plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
