1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
