The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
