if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
