It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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