And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
