I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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