turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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