I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
