So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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