Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
