I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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