After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
