Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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