don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
We named our party play list daddy issues
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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