I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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