It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
