i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
