I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
