just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
