NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
