After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
