Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
