dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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