I am puke
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My apartment stinks of burning failure
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
