just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
