i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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