I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
