i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
