Please, let me fuck your mom
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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