I am in a vortex of obligation.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
