did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
