Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
