Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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