He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
