Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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