life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
