Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
