guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
