Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
