i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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