got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
