Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
