He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
