can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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