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quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
why is half of my head shaved?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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