My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Sorry about my life...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
