Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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