We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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