so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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