I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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