If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just blew my weed a kiss
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
