i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
