He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
