i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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